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In:

Doushite?

Lol idk wht i feel & idk wht i want 2 write..
act i didn knw why i feel i want 2 talk n wtire something here in my blog...
well maybe its b'coz i feel i want 2 talk bout something that i hv always thinking..
hhmm....act yesterday i was open his acc..
n i found there is a gal pic..
i ddint ask him or anything b4 i make a conclusion..
so here the mistake is...that i didnt ask 4 his explanation...
he act didnt upload the gal pic but it was a tag by his friend luh..
lol act its was not my only fault coz i didnt knw hw 2 use fb that cn make me misunderstand him..
so can't blamed me for that...lol...
but when i knw the truth everything is become clear..
that i just didnt like him 2 be too closed with her..
act i didnt knw y...
i cn accpet if he closed with another gal..
but idk..its just my heart say that i didnt like he being too closed with her..
there is a reason 4 that act..but can't tell it here..
hihi let it be my secret only...^.~
so i hv make a fault by not asking him bout this..
n idk if he mad at me or wht..
im just cant talk to him if im mad..
coz i was a type of person that easy 2 cry over the small matter,n i was easy2  be hurt by some1 & i can't stop crying if im sad..
that is d main reason y i can't tell some1 bout my prob or talk 2 u or somebody else when im mad or sad..
lol its true i tell some of my friends on tagged or maybe most ot it ..its b'coz they can't see me crying..they just cn see the word that i typing over the msn or ym...
ina hv witnessed all of my weakness..
she hv saw me a lot of time when i was crying like a baby..
n im admit that im not thought like her..
i am wht i am..
i can't pretend im not sad or i can't pretend that i will nt crying..
i just let evrything be wht it will be n wht i want 2 be n wht i feel i want it 2 be..
act i was so scared 2 be hurted by some1..
coz i hv be hurted by some1 b4 this..
n it took me a months or maybe a year 2 forget bout it..
well i hv fall in luv b4 this & that is the 1 time n it hurt me..
hmm..i didnt want 2 talk bout that act....
wtv...i feel so numb ryte now...T_T
i hope everything will be ok soon.....

In:

Me,me,me....


Well act i didnt knw wht the title should be put, coz i suddenlyt feel want 2 post something here luh..
ryte nw deep in my heart i feel so lost n sunddenly i feel lonely..
i didnt knw y....but this is wht i feel nw...
lol its stupid ryte 2 say that i feel lonely eventho i hv such a loyalty twin beside me n the nicest friends in tagged & also in real world...
but idk..this is i feel ryte nw..
duh this make me feel confused....

Well...act i didnt knw y i feel this 'lonely' feeling, maybe is just b'coz im just missing him? lol..
or im just tired with my life n i feel there is no 1 that cn understand me...maybe that is d main reason y i start feeling this 'lonely' feeling...

Haha..i also dont knw y im telling u here..but sometime in our life we will suddenly feel loney..
n sometime there is no reason y we started feeling this..
is weird ryte?
but sometime that is wht happen 2 us....

Hmm..idk...maybe i just need some time 2 think bout my life?
wht im nt satisfied bout?
or wht  i wanted in my life?
i need more time 2 understand myself luh...
wish me luck 2 finding my real self......huhu...

In:

Is All About Appreciating....



Hmm.....mostly in friendship we always didnt knw hw 2 appreicate our friends ryte?
sometime we do a lot of thing 2 appreiate them, but they just didnt realised that we r appriciating them....
& it make them complain n nagging hw we treat them like ntg...
is weird ryte when we r appreciating them but they said we r not n they just didnt realised it..
plus they said we r nt enough of appreciating them. 
They want more effort that cn show that we do rly2 appreciating them...
sometime we didnt hv 2 edited her/his pic,sending a sweet comments,or always telling her/him that we always rmmbr them,saying all sweet word bout them n etc...
is enough when we ady knw that we are rly appreiate the friendship that we hv with them n luv her/him with who they r..
we didnt hv 2 do all those thing 2 show them that we love them..
sometime they hv 2 realised is that all those  mattersr nt t sooooooo important!
but the most important is hw sincere we r 2 hv a friendship between them...
its ok if u just be with them when u they need u or hearing all the things that they want 2 share with, or  comforting them when they r sad..that its all the matters..
others thing r nt soo important!
but its ok n more sweeter if u do n willing n sincere all sweet thing 4 them..
but plz realised that, all those matters r nt so important but the most important is that a friendship that we hv with them..
2 me when i hv a friendship between my friends n get so closed with them i hv ady love them with who they r n just love them...it doesnt matters it they r nt care 4 me or nt..
wht imortant 2 me is i want 2 keep our friendship with me as long as i cn lived with...
i want 2 remain our friendship as long as it can...
but if they just didnt want 2 remain it i can't do ntg bout it..
its up 2 u 2 jugde n 2 decide whether im appreciate our friendship n wht u do mean 2 me..
but 2 me as long u want 2 be my friends i will be ur friends n ur truely friends....




In:

Kenyataan Mimpi 3

BAB 3

Keesokan paginya aku bangun bersarapan bersama dengannya buat kali pertama. Selalunya aku hanya akan bersarapan selepas Mal pergi ke pejabatnya kerana tidak mahu bertembung dengannya. Tetapi memandangkan aku telah berjanji kepadanya semalam, dia telah memberikan aku masa untukku menerimanya, lalu aku cuba meluangkan sebanyak mungkin waktukku untuk bersama dengannya. Manalah tahu, hatiku ini akan terbuka untuknya suatu hari nanti. Fikirku sambil mengunyah roti bakar bercicahkan sup cendawan.

Kemudian lamunanku terhenti apabila Mal mula memecahkan suasana dengan menanyakan soalan kepadaku. ‘Qis, jom kita pergi jalan-jalan hari ni nak tak?, kan kita tak pernah keluar berdua lagi. Apa kata kita pergi Mid nak?, hari ni kan hari minggu, yela hari biasa I selalu busy la Qis. Boleh ye Qis?’. Tanya Mal dengan pandangan yang penuh berharap.

‘Oh boleh juga Mal, lepas kita jumpa mamalah baru kita pergi Mid ok?, I pun dah lama tak jumpa mama lagi ni. Pelik pula I fikir kenapa mama tak pernah melawat Qis, yelah…. masa Qis dekat hospital hari tu sampailah hari ini mama tak melawat Qis langsung pun. Selalunya kalau Qis sakit sikit je, mesti mama dah risau.’ Aku membalas dengan nada yang sedih. Sedih memikirkan mama sendiri tak pernah melawatku walaupun sekali.

‘Ermm….Qis, tak payahlah melawat mama. Kita pergi jalan – jalan la dulu ye. Nanti hari lain kita pergi melawat mama’ Balas Mal.

‘Mal, dia kan mama I?, mestilah I nak jumpa dia. Plus it’s been a long time since I meet her. I miss her so much la Mal. Kita pergi jumpa mama hari ni la Mal. Lagipun dah banyak kali Qis tanya kat papa dan semua orang tentang mama. Tapi semua orang macam tak nak bagi tahu kat Qis je. Jadi baik Qis pergi jumpa mama sendiri. Dah lama Qis tak jumpa mama, dan mama pun tak pernah jenguk Qis sepanjang Qis berada di hospital dulu. So, Qis rasa mesti ade sesuatu yang tak kena ni. Qis tak kira juga, Qis nak jumpa mama juga.’ Aku menjawab dengan nada yang kurang senang dengan sikapnya yang seolah-olah tidak ambil peduli tentang mama.

‘Qis….bukan I tak bagi dan bukan I tak nak, Cuma….you akan sedih nanti bila you dengar tentang mama. Lagi-lagi Qis kan tak sihat. Sebab tu la papa tak nak beritahu Qis. Doktor pun dah nasihat kitaorang supaya tak bagi kejutan atau tekanan dekat Qis. Takut apa-apa tekanan boleh memberi kesan kepada Qis untuk ingat semula memori-memori Qis tu. Jadi sebab tulah papa tak beritahu apa-apa tentang mama dekat Qis. Balas Mal

‘What?, jadi ada sesuatu berlaku dekat mama la Mal?, betul ke?. Mal u have to tell me now what happen to mama!. I dah agak dah ni mesti ada sesuatu tak kena sejak mama tak melawat Qis langsung dekat hospital. Mal tell me please, I tak kisah lah dengan memori-memori I dulu tu, yang penting mama sihat dan selamat itu yang penting bagi I. Jangan risaulah, I boleh jaga diri I sendiri, dan tentang memori-memori tu insyaAllah I boleh ingat balik. Dan sekarang, I nak tahu tentang mama. Kalau tak, I tak boleh tidur lena. You mesti beritahu I tentang mama sekarang juga!’. Akhiriku dengan nada yang tegas. Tanda pertanyaanku itu mesti dijawab.

Aku tidak sanggup berhadapan dengan teka-teki lagi tentang keadaan mama. Ketiadaan mama disisiku hanya membuatkan aku lebih resah dan tak keruan. Lebih-lebih lagi apabila teringatkan tentang kata-kata berunsur amaran kakak tiriku sewaktu dia melawatku di hospital dulu. Takut pula jika ketiadaan mama ini ada kaitan dengan Qistina. Fikirku sejenak sambil menanti Mal membalas pertanyaanku.

Aku menanti jawapannya dengan penuh minat. Sungguh naluriku begitu memuncak untuk mengetahui tentang mama. Aku tak sabar lagi, lalu aku ingin membuka mulutku untuk bertanya kembali tentang mama, apabila aku melihat reaksinya yang hanya berdiam diri tanda tidak mahu memberitahu tentang mama. Aku kemudian terhenti untuk bertanya apabila aku mengesan riak wajahnya yang keruh, serta keadaan dirinya yang seolah-olah cemas dengan pertanyaanku tentang mama. Aku lebih takut memikirkan tentang mama kini apabila melihatkan reaksinya itu.

Aku lega apabila melihat tanda-tanda dia seperti hendak memberitahu apabila dia sudah mula berdiri dan menarik kerusi disebelahku untuk memulakan bicara. ‘mama…mama…mama you kena strok…’ belumpun sempat Mal meneruskan bicara tiba-tiba kedengaran loceng pintu rumahku ditekan. Ding dong…ding dong…..

Kemudian aku bangun dan membuka pintu, kelihatan sepasang pasangan masuk sambil membawa buah tangan. Aku berpaling dan berkata ’ you Tina, dan …Akil?, apa you berdua buat kat sini?’. Tanya Qis kepada mereka berdua yang kelihatan mesra bersama sambil Akil erat merangkul pinggang Tina iaitu kakak tirinya Qistina. Sungguh hati Qis panas apabila melihatkan adegan mesra mereka dihadapannya, lebih-lebih lagi apabila melihat senyuman sinis kakak tirinya apabila memandang wajahnya tanpa henti.

In:

Missing U...



Hmmm....idk hw 2 say these..
it always make me thinking of it..
always miss u eventho i always chatting with almost everyday!
idk wht im feeling nw..
im confused ryte nw..
y u always crossed in my mind?
can't i forget u  4 a few  moment?
y?y?y?

sigh...it doesnt mean that i want 2 try 2 forget u..
it just make me feel sad whenever u crossed in my mind..
u r far frm here..
very2 far..
sigh..i nvr feel like this..
nvr at all..
i hate u coz make me thinking of u almost everyday..but at the same time i luv u coz making me happy..

uh..confused..
help me..
im dead nw TT^TT